Life is Magic. Death is Magic.
It was weird. I went to the YMCA today and listened to the UMD Catholic Ministries podcasts hosted by Father Schmitz. He talked about the Advent season and what it means, saying it’s the preparation for the second coming of Christ. He said, “The end of the world will come in our lifetimes.” I thought to myself, this guy is taking crazy pills. Then he clarified, saying, "It will - we are all going to die." Bam there it is! The thing I have been looking at all month. Memento Mori, the reflection on our impermanence, the thing that has become an undeniable part of my life the past couple of years.
Like many, I had written about death in school and always heard about so-and-so's grandma dying during middle and elementary school. But I never thought it was something that would affect me. That's for someone else. Then it did. Three close deaths in one year. Uncle, unexpected heart attack in September- bam. Grandmother in January- whack. Uncle, way too young dies in May - no words for that. No denying death now. Trust me, I tried.
In my wedding filmmaking craft, similar events occurred. This January one of my bride's father died of an unexpected heart attack. In May a bride moved her wedding up so her father could be a part of it. He died soon after.
I'm not writing this to sound morbid. Death can be a tough topic that no one wants to talk about. Yet, you cannot deny it. Often, the ones affected most by death are the ones that desire, and need, to talk about it the most. Hint: we will all be there at some point.
The reflection on death, or as the Stoics call it, Memento Mori, has brought so much compassion, urgency, and priorities into my life. It's the one thing we all have in common. To leave it out of the conversation is a mistake. Here is my journey this year in discovering the peculiar topic of death and how it has kept popping up.
1. March - Yeah Field Trip / Stefan Hunt & We Are The Parsons
The indescribable anti-conference / creative explosion/hub of freaking amazing people started with a keynote that went deep. It was about facing your most profound and existential angst. It shows a middle-aged guy slouching on the coach living his life on auto-pilot. Suddenly there is a knock at his door. It's death. I'll let you watch the video to see more of it, but at the end of the video Stefan turned on a neon sign that says, "We're All Going to Die," then follows that up by saying alright let's pass around the magic cool-aid. Everyone laughed hysterically! But that was my first introduction on memento mori, reflection on death. The take-away: fear less, live more
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Same conference different class. We Are the Parsons, a photography couple whom I much admire, did a class called "Life is Magic, Death is Magic." It was the class everyone was talking about, so I had to go. The class was about what's important; it touched everyone's hearts deeply. At the end of their class, they pressed ashes on the student's foreheads symbolizing how from dust we have risen and to dust we shall return. They also had a heart-wrenching slideshow playing with photos from vulnerable moments in life. I sat in front of the slideshow and bawled. I let out a lot of emotions. You can see the picture from that night once I got back to camp.
A scene from the movie “The End of the Tour” that We Are the Parsons showed in their class
2. October - Let's Talk About Death over Dinner Chase Jarvis & Michael Hebb
I listen to the Chase Jarvis podcast and hosts Michael Hebb on the topic of his recent book, and movement, "Let's Talk About Death Over Dinner." I am curious - I like to dig into a bunch of different fields - so this piqued my interest. This guy was fascinating! He is in large part why Portland is the cultural epicenter that it is. He designs experiences and looks at the effect of subtle details such as lighting, table size, etc. Anyways, his podcast was interesting, so I order the book.
3.) November -Book Arrives - "Let's Talk About Death Over Dinner" - Michael Hebb
I am instantly intrigued. It certainly improved my urgency to priorities in my life. The book becomes a gateway to talk about a taboo subject. I speak to a paramedic on a train, with my friends over lunch, and with other creatives. I am on to something here.
4. ) December - Stoicism: And the theme for December is... Death!
As I finish my last month in the Daily Stoic book I flip to December... the theme? Memento Mori. More reflection on death.
5.) More Books and The Final Straw
More books arrive on the topic. I am currently being touched by the book "The Five Invitations" by Frank Ostaseski. But then I listen to the UMD Catholic Campus Ministry Podcast titled, "Be Ready, Get Ready," and Father Schmitz shares a similar theme. Okay, God, I get what you're doing here. I'll share my experiences.
The Take Aways
Death and birth are two sides of the same coin. It has been fascinating and has served as a filter to show me what is most important. So often we cling to every dollar and meticulously plan what we will spend it on - unless it's Amazon and me. But, how often are we so careless with our time wasting it on whatever other people tell us to do? Of many things, memento mori has forced me to ask the question that Seneca prompts: “Am I getting my money's worth here? Is this a fair trade?”
"Your time is limited so don't waste it living someone else's life." -Steve Jobs
It has taught me that reflecting on death is a gateway to a much fuller life. People who win the lottery often are much more depressed and lonely once the shine wears off. Whereas cancer survivors often share that it was the best thing that has ever happened to them. It brings an appreciation for the minuscule experiences and moments we have. If you have a place to stay, healthy lungs or know one person that loves you, you are beyond blessed. If you are reading this, there are at least a billion people who would die to be in your shoes reading off a phone or computer. You have to be grateful for everything because it is indeed a gift. Even your body is a rental, and you will one day have to part ways.
In the realm of filmmaking, it sifts through all the hoopla on a wedding day. What's most important? Why? Inevitably, weddings run behind and in those moments as a creative storyteller; I have to make tradeoffs. Do I shoot the details like the ring and bouquet or do I capture a bride's father seeing his baby for the first time before he hands her away in marriage? These types of decisions happen all day. I like to do some epic shots, but I try not to forget what's most important, love, belonging and connection.
It's a mistake to leave death out of the conversation. It is the one thing we all have in common. I like how simply Jordan Peterson explains our vulnerability in his book 12 Rules For Life:
" 'I heard you God, but I was naked & hid.' What does that mean? It means that people; unsettled by their vulnerability, eternally fear, to tell the truth, to mediate between chaos and order and to manifest their destiny. In other words, they are afraid to walk with God. That's not particularly admirable, perhaps it understandable. God's a judgemental father. His standards are high. He is hard to please." - Jordan Peterson, 12 Rules for Life
Let's talk about our vulnerabilities, manifest our destiny, face the truth and walk with God - who's in? We can't do it alone.
What are your thoughts on death? What would you do if you knew you were going to die on Christmas day? Don't wait.
Also, one of my goals in 2019 is to host a death dinner. Let me know if you would be interested in helping out or attending!